A Sex Addict's Story
After 20 years of struggle, finally my sexual compulsion met its match: Dr. Miller's therapy.
For several years I could not stop obsessing about sex. I tried religion, Sexaholics Anonymous, and will-power. Nothing helped. I was convinced I would be a creepy sex addict for the rest of my life. I was a family man in public, but in secret I was knocking the doors of strangers I met online to have sex with. It was like I had a werewolf inside, that took control of my mind every time I had sex urges. I was the quintessential sex addict.
I was sexually abused by an older boy when I was 5, the abuse continued for several years.
Later in life in my 20s I moved abroad to a country where foreigners were not that easy to fit in. I was lonely in a big city. One day in a public restroom the guy in the next urinal was exposing himself. I felt the rush of being part of a thrill, and I got hooked. After that I starting visiting every public restroom of the big city looking for the same rush again. I wasted so many hours looking for restrooms, standing forever at the urinals. I started by watching other guys exposing themselves, but soon I was exposing myself. I was already married at the time and felt so shameful for my behavior. I could easily have been arrested.
I could not stop thinking in the rush, the feeling of looking for a thrill, and adventure, it was so powerful that I started getting late to appointments, late back home at night, or just leaving work during the day because I needed to find a restroom where I could see or been seen. I was compulsive, I could not control the urges. It was getting worse and it was affecting my life. That was when the werewolf took on a life of its own.
Desperate, I found Sexaholics Anonymous, it was a good fellowship where I met good friends with the same struggle. I followed the steps, I tried to be sober but the longest period I could keep was a month only. I just could not stop the obsession. I tried everything, calls to accountability SA partners, reading religious books, even writing my name with an marker on my penis so I would be ashamed of showing it to strangers. Nothing worked. 2 years of SA were not helping that much.
After a decade abroad, I moved back to the US, by then the internet was in full bloom, smartphones, Craigslist and some dating apps were getting common. The werewolf had fresh food.
I started reading personal ads on Craigslist, then responding to some, and finally meeting strangers. Later I posted my own ads, wasting hours and hours looking for an encounter, I met so many guys, sometimes couples too, that now I can't remember.
I had several sex partners at the same time. Once one sex friend called me to tell me he got gonorrhea, that I should get tested.
I swore I will not act out again, but in a couple of weeks I was back, having sexual encounters at hotels, cars, trails, the beach, houses, old abandoned bridges, garages, even my own house. I was again out of control
After a risky sexual encounter, I was mad at myself for being unable to say no to the urges, and have unprotected sex. The werewolf was getting too strong and I desperately needed help. I knew I could end up beaten, robbed or murdered.
Looking for help on the internet I found that sex addiction could be cured, that a therapy used to treat PTSD, proved to be helpful.
Then I found Dr. Miller.
When I met Dr. Miller I was relieved to see that I did not need to explain in detail my history of shameful sexual behavior as I used to do at Sexaholics Anonymous. I only needed to answer some very specific questions about what, when, and how.
With forensic precision, Dr. Miller identified two feelings driving my sex compulsion. One was loneliness as a result of living isolated in a foreign country, and the other was the bonded/connection feeling associated with sex that came from my sexual abuse experience.
Using his technique Dr Miller helped me to dissociate the bonded/connection feeling and sex in my brain. After the therapy, I felt the switch of sex obsession was turned off. I opened my eyes and suddenly the behavior of meeting strangers for sex made no sense at all anymore. "What have I been doing!" Was my first thought. Dr. Miller's silver bullet had fatally hit the werewolf, at last ! And I got my life back! I was finally free from the compulsion.
On a second session we addressed loneliness, after that, the weird feeling of loneliness in my chest and in mind were gone forever. No need to fantasize that sex will bring friends, it makes no sense anymore.
Now, I am totally free of sex compulsion, I do not need to look for sexual adventures, or try to be sexual for companionship. Yes, the sex drive is still there but it does not override my common sense. Sex is now enjoyable, I do not fear sexual desire anymore. I am now enjoying it in my own terms, not on the terms of a werewolf. Struggle is finally over, and I feel just great and happy.